i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
