Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
