Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
