He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize