my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
