I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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