I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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