she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize