eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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