Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
