thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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