I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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