Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
