i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize