I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
