Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
now i know why i became what i already was.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
