i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
