I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You can't motorboat a personality
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
