just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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