I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
