watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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