we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
