you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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