I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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