everyone is single if you try hard enough
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
