Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
