....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
