My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
