He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
