so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
