WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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