Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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