I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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