You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
