I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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