he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
