hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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