Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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