Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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