If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
