Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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