my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
