just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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