Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
