i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize