You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
