You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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