dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
