He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
