I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize