So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
