she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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