Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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