I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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