Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
