I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
