It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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