I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
