We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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