ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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