I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
