I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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