i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
