I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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