don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
