just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
