I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
