What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
