my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
