I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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