worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
