I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize