P.S. I can't hear my feet
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
