Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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