And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
