I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
