this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
