Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
