I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
