you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
