I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
