Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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