Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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