Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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