After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
