WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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