remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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