If that was your dad, he is hot
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
