i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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