i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
