If that was your dad, he is hot
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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