U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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