haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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