with your own penis?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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