Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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