When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
third nipple confirmed
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
