come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
