With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
