I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
