How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
