its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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