dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
