so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
