I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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